Discworld MUD Log: Chibi and Dating

This is what happened when Chibi asked the cre channel for dating advice. Very long but highly recommended.

[14th July 2002]

(cre) Chibi: Anyone know any good "late at night and inside a tent" games?
You cre-tell: Yes. HTH. HAND.
(cre) Drakkos: 'Hide the salami'
(cre) Sasquatch: I bet Drakkos does
You cre-tell: Scrabble?
(cre) Chibi: There are two girls coming, but they don't like me :'(
You cre-tell: Or "touch the tent and make it rain on your tentmate" is always
              good.
(cre) Dasquian: Banzai time!
(cre) Drakkos: They're coming, but they don't like you?
(cre) Drakkos: Dude, that's pretty good going.
(cre) Chibi: I have been reading up on chat-up lines, just incase, but they are
     all pretty naff
(cre) Kola: heh kewl, {Sin eater}, a man who (according to a former practice in
     England) for a small gratuity ate a piece of bread laid on the chest of a
     dead person, whereby he was supposed to have taken the sins of the dead
     person upon himself.
(cre) Drakkos: You don't want chat-up lines. You want to woo them with your
     impressive knowledge of Middle-East current affairs.
(cre) Drakkos: Chicks dig that kind of thing.
You cre-tell: I would..
(cre) Drakkos: No, seriously... find yourself a niche topic and research the
     hell out of it. Then steer any conversation you are in towards that
     topic... then people will think you're insanely well-read.
(cre) Sasquatch: taking any towels with you?
(cre) Drakkos: And chicks dig that.
(cre) Drakkos: So if they say, for example:
(cre) Chibi: Yes, TWO
(cre) Drakkos: 'My, it's cold in here', you reply with 'Ah, but not as cold as
     it was in the Pre-raphealite coal bunkers of Northern Siberia'
(cre) Kola: laugh
(cre) Drakkos: And they will say 'What a wide range of knowledge you have,
     please remove my underwear'
You cre-tell: Then, if they say, "Let's get naked and oiled and play spot the
              worm", you can say "Wouldn't you rather play scrabble and talk
              about the pre-raphaelite coal bunkers of Northern Siberia" also.
(cre) Chibi: Giggle. I will look up "Siberia" and find out where it is.
(cre) Drakkos: Oh, if you need to look that up you'd best find another topic to
     research.
(cre) Sasquatch: you could always play "see who can make the best thing out of
     towels"?
(cre) Drakkos: Hehe
(cre) Drakkos: 'Novelty sex dolls from household components' is a pretty good
     topic.
(cre) Chibi: None of them know about that? :P
You cre-tell: Or if all else fails, you could just tie them up in the tent with
              the towels.
(cre) Drakkos: You could say something like 'Once I made a realistic vulva from
     a shoebox, some styrofoam and a tub of vaseline'.
You cre-tell: Or make a substitute woman out of the towels.
(cre) Drakkos: And they will say 'What resourcefulness! Please remove my
     underwear'
You cre-tell: If they wake up saying things like "Chibi, why is my towel
              sticky?" it's a good idea to lie.
(cre) Sasquatch: claim you spilled coke on it
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah. Say you masturbated into it or something. Don't tell them
     the truth.
(cre) Kola: Hehe, this dogs so cool. He's a real comic
(cre) Chibi: I've gone to Everything2.com to study frontpage topic, and have
     been taken to "herding cats"
(cre) Kola: Keep expecting him to start singin who let the dogs out
(cre) Drakkos: But seriously, chicks dig well-read guys. Especially if they
     have glasses. They like esoteric personalities too. I'd suggest taking a
     book of Nietzsche, and simply ignoring them while you read it in front of
     them. Nietzsche is better than sex anyway.
You cre-tell: Didn't he think that all women should be cage dancers?
(cre) Sasquatch: So, Drakkos, you're single at the moment aren't you? :P
(cre) Chibi: I have glasses, on occaision
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah, I got dumped for a guy who read more Nietzsche than me.
     :-(
You cre-tell: I got dumped for someone who had more mental health problems than
              I did. I guess she was just more vulnerable. :(
(cre) Drakkos: But let's not dwell on my failure in life and instead let's
     concentrate on the sound advice I am dispensing to young Chibi. ;-P
(cre) Chibi: And I have never been out with someone before! Stop complaining
     ;p
You cre-tell: And if you listen to us, you never, ever will.
(cre) Sasquatch: we're complaining you've never been out.....? :)
You cre-tell: See what favours we are bestowing upon you!
(cre) Drakkos: Oh, we can take it down a different road if you like. The Dark
     Road of Love-Lorn Depression. You'll see how truly happy you are with your
     towels.
(cre) Sasquatch: towels don't answer back!
(cre) Sasquatch: towels don't moan at you
(cre) Drakkos sings: I had a job, I had a girl. I had something goin' mister in
     this world. I got laid off down at the lumber yard. Our love went bad,
     times got hard. Now I work down at the carwash, where all it ever does is
     rain... don't you feel like you're a rider, on a downbound train?
(cre) Chibi: I seriously think the towel jokes are old =p
You cre-tell: I don't.
(cre) Drakkos: Luckily they are amusing the rest of us tho'.
(cre) Drakkos: OVER-RULED.
(cre) Sleeter: rofl
(cre) Drakkos: But anyway, back on the advice of 'How to get the girl of your
     dreams'.
(cre) Sasquatch: only girls in my dreams carry big knives and sticks and stab
     me lots
You cre-tell: Most girls are intrigued by boys who stare at their cleavage.
(cre) Drakkos nods.
(cre) Drakkos: Girls like the attention.
(cre) Sasquatch: mind you, girls, boys, cats, dogs, everything tends to do that
     to me
(cre) Kola: You gotta blush when you get caught though
(cre) Drakkos: Especially if you can maintain a conversation without making eye
     contact.
(cre) Drakkos: That shows commitment.
(cre) Sleeter: roflmao
You cre-tell: And if they're wearing a t-shirt with a witty motto, they're
              clearly "up for it". That means that you can skip the looking
              stage and go straight to groping.
(cre) Chibi: The only amusing thing about me so far is that I *really did* ask
     the first two girls I've ever "come on to" verbally to play chess :P
(cre) Drakkos: What's wrong with chess?
(cre) Drakkos: It's a genuine pantie-loosener.
(cre) Drakkos: Every girl I've ever had sex with is a chess fan.
(cre) Chibi: One of them said ".......No?" and other said "I don't know how to
     play it." :'(
(cre) Drakkos: And often I woo them over a game of chess with my witty banter
     about Nietzshe's fondness for pre-Raphealite Siberian bunkers.
(cre) Kola: lmao
(cre) Sasquatch takes Drakkos's bishop
(cre) Drakkos: Phbt. Then you offer to teach them.
You cre-tell: So you're going for idiots, then?
(cre) Chibi: No, she suggested a different game but I didn't know what it was,
     so ambled off in a panic :P
(cre) Drakkos: Was it 'hide the salami'?
(cre) Drakkos: And you should have asked her to teach you the different game.
(cre) Drakkos: Any time together is good time together. :-P
(cre) Chibi: I don't like being so assertive! :)
(cre) Drakkos: Good. Chicks hate assertive guys.
(cre) Sleeter: Assertive?!? Can you teach me, is assertive? Cool. :)
You cre-tell: I once spent an evening in a hotel room with a very cute young
              man who I fancied like mad. Eventually we both went back to our
              separate rooms because we were so unassertive we thought we hated
              each other.
You cre-tell: Assertive is *good*/
You cre-tell: .
(cre) Drakkos: Don't confuse the young lad, Vashti.
(cre) Drakkos: You shouldn't lose faith in your chess strategem. If a woman
     can't play chess, then she's not worth your time anyway.
(cre) Kola: Yeah, he wants to play chess not have hot steamy sex
(cre) Chibi: OK, I'll rephrase: I am useless at "assertive". And I'm not too
     good at chess any more :'(
You cre-tell: That means she will win, and you'll get the pity vote.
(cre) Drakkos: Excellent. Then you don't have to worry about 'losing
     convincingly'. :-P
You cre-tell: pity == sex.
(cre) Drakkos: Not true Vashti, alas.
(cre) Drakkos sniffs.
You cre-tell: Bugger.
(cre) Sasquatch pities Drakkos
(cre) Sleeter: Get a room guys !
(cre) Drakkos gets a room with Vashti and Sasquatch.
You cre-tell: Three-way chess?
(cre) Chibi complains.
(cre) Drakkos shivers in antici...
(cre) Drakkos: ... pation.
(cre) Sasquatch I'll play the winner from you two
(cre) Sleeter: That's one freaky board...
You cre-tell: So, Drakkos, tell us about pre-Raphaelite coal mines. Were they
              full of fat redheaded women?
(cre) Drakkos: Oh, the interesting thing about these coal mines is that non
     only were the full of redheaded women, but they were contructed in the
     fashion of the old hermetic architects of the gothic period, in such a way
     that knocking out a single piece of the mine, known as the 'keystone'
     would bring the whole thing crashing down to kill everyone inside.
(cre) Drakkos: Now, get your knickers off.
(cre) Vashti sends in her stunt double.
(cre) Drakkos: Woo!
(cre) Sasquatch: eek, 2 Vashtis
(cre) Drakkos: Fourway chess
(cre) Sasquatch: mmmm, stunt Vashti
You cre-tell: Stoat.
(cre) Chibi: David Bowie film(???) on channel 2
(cre) Drakkos: Is it Labyrinth?
(cre) Sasquatch: Stoat Vashti?
(cre) Drakkos: Or The Man Who Fell To Earth?
(cre) Chibi: Latter
You cre-tell: Girls don't have stoats, silly Sasquatch.
(cre) Drakkos: They have beavers.
(cre) Chibi: Worth watching (I have to get up at 7am)?
(cre) Drakkos: Well, I liked it. :-)
(cre) Sasquatch: your stunt double is really a boy then?
(cre) Chibi nods.
(cre) Drakkos: But then I like most everything where David Bowie is involved.
     :-P
You cre-tell: Normally stunt doubles don't have to look anything like the
              person they're substituting for.
(cre) Drakkos: It's a very weird movie.
(cre) Chibi: I like weird movies (Barbarella and Evangelion rule=p).
(cre) Sleeter: They are normally the same sex tho...
You cre-tell: Damn, so that's what I've been doing wrong.
(cre) Drakkos: You get to see naked breasts in it, if that's a deciding thing
     for you. :-P
(cre) Chibi: Bowie's breasts?
(cre) Sasquatch: Amazon Women on the moon is a pretty weird movie
(cre) Drakkos: Those too.
(cre) Drakkos: You'll notice that David Bowie was never short of women... that
     is because he is/was an estoteric character with a wide-ranging knowledge
     of pre-raphaliete mining, *and* played chess.
You cre-tell: And a Nazi.
(cre) Drakkos: (And was a super-famous rock and roll bisexual)
(cre) Sasquatch: but Drakkos, he's also never short of men either
(cre) Drakkos: Was he actually a nazi? I know he used a lot of nazi symbolism
     in his music, but that doesn't mean anything. :-)
(cre) Sleeter: Never short of something to do...
You cre-tell: Well, it can't be denied that many women find Naziism very
              sexually attractive.
(cre) Drakkos: True.
(cre) Drakkos: Look at Hitler.
(cre) Sasquatch: can't, he's dead
(cre) Drakkos: When he wasn't invading Poland he was pissing on his niece in a
     bath.
(cre) Sasquatch: how can you look at someone not here?
(cre) Drakkos: Check the bathroom.
(cre) Sasquatch: and he was a vegetarian
You cre-tell: Wasn't there just a whole thread about how we don't have
              bathrooms?
(cre) Sleeter: I'd be really freaked if Hitler was in my toilet :p
(cre) Drakkos: Especially if he was pissing on his niece in there.
You cre-tell: Oh, come on, I don't want anybody pissing in my toilet. :(
(cre) Sasquatch: Mom!! There's a 100+ year old man in the toilet!
(cre) Sleeter: I'd certainly have to ask him how he got in...
(cre) Sasquatch: through the door?
(cre) Sleeter: I can see the door...
(cre) Sasquatch: he may have been small, but I doubt he climbed up the U-bend
(cre) Drakkos: Schnell, schnell, ve are sending our u-bends round to ze British
     CHannel
(cre) Sasquatch: unless he's very flexible? (Drakkos, hush)
You cre-tell: I don't know, after 60 years dead anything becomes suddenly
              possible.
You cre-tell: Except for all the things which aren't.
(cre) Drakkos: Remember how many tons of British shipping were lost to U-Bend
     submarines in WWII. :-(
You cre-tell: Floaters.
(cre) Sleeter: Logical progression Chibis sex life -> Nazi leaders pissing in
     the bathroom.
(cre) Drakkos: So Chibi, do you feel more confident in your chances with these
     gurlies now?
(cre) Drakkos: Pissing *on their nieces* in the bathroom
(cre) Sasquatch: well, Sleeter, the latter is more likely
(cre) Dasquian: You should just get a t-shirt with SHAG ME I'M DESPERATE
     written on it
(cre) Drakkos: You are missing the key bit!
(cre) Drakkos: Hell, you could borrow my t-shirt if you want that.
(cre) Dasquian: Most people will think you are a sad pervert, but you are
     statistically certain to get laid.
(cre) Sasquatch: that to Drakkos or Chibi?
You cre-tell: That is Chibi (Creator) the Nazi Leader, Pisses on Nieces, Likes
              Towels.
(cre) Dasquian: WEll, it is to whoever wears the t-shirt of statistically
     certain shags.
You cre-tell: It's a good bet.
(cre) Sasquatch: actually, you seen the news about the woman who is selling
     t-shirts with phenomerones in them?
(cre) Chibi: Yes, I'm far more confident in that I won't worry about having to
     force myself to be happy tomorrow; I can simply remember what you have all
     said tonight^^
(cre) Dasquian: You may be more likely to get laid faster by dangling your cock
     by the side of the M25 with a sign saying 'get it here', but the law of
     random paths still holds!
(cre) Sasquatch: (or however you spell it)
(cre) Sleeter: I don't think there's much chance of a Nazi leader smuggling
     their neice into my bathroom, sorry Chibi, looks like you're not screwed.
(cre) Drakkos: Okay, here's the last trick for you Chibi:
(cre) Drakkos: Just start a conversation about what we've given you for
     advice.
(cre) Drakkos: You will be the centre of attention and people will laugh and
     love you.
(cre) Drakkos: Particularly if you can mime certain parts of it.
(cre) Dasquian: MAKE SURE YOU DON'T INDICATE WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS
(cre) Drakkos: (Like Hitler pissing on his niece)
You cre-tell: Expressing your fear of clowns is also a good way to attract
              people.
(cre) Drakkos: FAGGOT CLOWN POWERS
You cre-tell: Anyone for balloons?
(cre) goldenthread loves logging onto these conversations.
(cre) Sleeter: Do they float?
(cre) Sleeter: Hey GT :)
(cre) Dasquian: Here's another good trick - get some roses, and give them to
     the girl... then stare into her eyes and say... for you
You cre-tell: They all float.
(cre) Dasquian: MAke sure you hold her gaze for as long as possible
(cre) Chibi: I'll skip the stuff on "pre-raphaliete" and that insane
     philosipher guy 'cause I can't pronounce those words, and go straight for
     the beer, methinks :-)
You cre-tell: Then follow that up with: fancy a shag?
(cre) Dasquian: THen follow her around the room, touching her.
(cre) Drakkos: Beer?
(cre) Drakkos: You never said there would be beer.
(cre) Sasquatch: chessboard?
(cre) Drakkos: Dude, we've been misleading you.
(cre) Drakkos: You never said there would be beer.
(cre) Drakkos: All you have to do is get them really, really, really drunk.
(cre) goldenthread: get some ketamine.. spike their beer.
(cre) Sleeter: Really REALLY drunk.
(cre) Chibi: There might be if I can get my friend's non-drinking father to buy
     me some :P
(cre) goldenthread . o 0 ( works every time )
(cre) Drakkos: And then drag them out into the woods.
You cre-tell: Really, unconsciously drunk.
(cre) Sasquatch: bah, I was just going to say that GT
(cre) Chibi: And I think I'm the only person who will drink, which is really
     really sad :'p
(cre) Drakkos: Then you have your way with them, scratch them all over until
     their bleeding, then when they come into the tent in the morning, say they
     were dragged off by bears.
You cre-tell: Well, if you're going to be the only person drinking in a roomful
              of sober people, that's probably the quickest way in the world to
              get laid.
(cre) Sleeter: That's a great plan Drakkos...
(cre) goldenthread . o 0 ( or at least stop caring. )
(cre) Drakkos: I have used it to great success before.
You cre-tell: Actually, another great tactic is to walk around saying
              "Nietzsche".
(cre) Dasquian: Chibi
(cre) Sleeter: Drakkos, responsible for the 500% increase in bear attacks...
     ;)
(cre) Dasquian: Una has made something very special for you
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah, Nietzsche is a babe magnet.
(cre) Una beams.
(cre) Drakkos: LOOK OUT, BEARS!
(cre) Dasquian: Here is a tantalising glimpse:
(cre) Dasquian: The SHAG ME I'M DESPERATE t-shirt has five breast pockets. It
     is in excellent condition.
You cre-tell: People will follow you to hear what you are actually saying, and
              by the time they figure it out they will have fallen totally,
              helplessly in love with you.
(cre) Drakkos: *unzip*
(cre) Drakkos: *thud*
(cre) Una: whoa, thassa lotta breasts
(cre) Chibi: Heheh, thanks ;-P
(cre) Dasquian: Custom made for your pregnant dog!
(cre) goldenthread: how'd you know my dog was pregnant?
(cre) goldenthread: ...
(cre) Drakkos: Chibi, if you want to play your Nietzsche card, here are some
     keywords: Uberman, Will to Power, Zeitgeist, Zarathustra.
(cre) goldenthread: Dasquian?
(cre) goldenthread peers.
(cre) Drakkos: Doesn't matter how you put them together.
(cre) Drakkos: Or what words you use in between.
(cre) Drakkos: It is guaraunteed to Inspire and Impress.
(cre) Dasquian: Your dog and I shared a very intimate relationship.
You cre-tell: It's a good idea to stress the female inferiority, and how all
              women sekritly want to be slaves.
(cre) Chibi: Oh, that's right - I shall bring my MTG and impress them with my
     deck!
(cre) Drakkos: ...
(cre) Drakkos: No.
(cre) Dasquian: ...
You cre-tell: Wow, Chibi, you don't need our help at all!
(cre) Drakkos: NO
(cre) Drakkos: NONO
(cre) Drakkos: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO
(cre) Dasquian: It worked for me Chibi but... I don't think you'll be so lucky.
     Sorry man
(cre) goldenthread: if that worked, Tomas wouldn't post so much.
(cre) Drakkos: Seriously. No kidding.
(cre) Sleeter: Uberman Zarathustra Will to PowerZeitgeist. *watches the wimmin
     swoon*
(cre) Drakkos: You'd be better off with the bear plan. :-P
(cre) Drakkos unzips for sleeter.
(cre) Sasquatch: or the chess board?
(cre) Drakkos: *thud*
(cre) Dasquian: Claim the bears were wearing SHAG ME I'M DESPERATE t-shirts
(cre) Chibi: Did you missread "beer" for "bear", (or am I on crack?)
(cre) goldenthread: hmm.. Nietzche to Impress the Ladies for Dummies.. it's the
     new bestseller!
(cre) Drakkos: Nono, bears.
(cre) Drakkos: SCRATCH THEIR HIDES
(cre) Drakkos: Then claim it was bears.
(cre) Dasquian: RAWHIDE yeeeHAW
(cre) Drakkos: (Honey, a bear masturbated into your towel and then ran away)
(cre) goldenthread: you could clame the beers were wearing the t-shirts.. I'm
     not sure that'd work though.
(cre) Sleeter: Rollin' rollin' rollin, keep those doggies rollin' RAWHIIIIDE.
(cre) Sasquatch: happens all the time Drakkos
(cre) goldenthread: clame.. claim.. same difference.
(cre) Chibi: Any suggestions for romantic/horny music?
(cre) Drakkos: The Laughing Gnome
You cre-tell: "Who let the dogs out"?
(cre) goldenthread: Isaac Hayes, Luther Vandross, Barry White.
(cre) goldenthread: and Spoken Nietzche
(cre) Drakkos: That song from the German 'Want to Speak English' advert.
(cre) Drakkos: I forget what it's called, but it goes:
You cre-tell: Nietzsche: The Complete Works on Audio CD.
(cre) Drakkos: 'I want to fuck you in the ass'
(cre) Drakkos: 'I want to fuck you in the ass'
(cre) Drakkos: Dum dum dede dum dum dede
(cre) Drakkos: 'I want to fuck you in the ass'
(cre) Dasquian: 'I'm horny'... you know.. the one whose chorus is 'horny horny
     horny'
(cre) Drakkos: It's great.
(cre) goldenthread unzips for Drakkos.
(cre) Dasquian: THe clever thing about that choice is that SUBLIMINALLY it will
     make her HORNY!
(cre) goldenthread unzips for Dasquian too.
(cre) goldenthread: *thud*
(cre) goldenthread: *thud*
(cre) goldenthread: oh .. wait..
You cre-tell: It's a very subtle subliminal effect, though, you have to be
              careful to emphasise the whole HORNY motif enough.
(cre) Sleeter: Question is, will there be enough Chibi to go round?
(cre) Sasquatch: no Gt, that sounds like you took off a bra
(cre) Drakkos: Chibi, you may want to pack some Viagra.
(cre) goldenthread shuffles his feet.
You cre-tell: Or dog-worming tablets.
(cre) Drakkos: (Honey, the bears made me eat all this viagra)
(cre) Dasquian: Yeah... try listening to the music, just before the chorus, and
     time it so you ask 'So darling, how are you feeling at the moment?' just
     as 'HORNY HORNY HORNY' comes up
(cre) Chibi: "No definitions for viagra." I have some hay fever pills.
(cre) Dasquian: She won't be able to control her emotions
(cre) Dasquian: You may have to interrupt her several times to pull off this
     trick, but trust me, it's more important than whatever she had to say.
(cre) Drakkos: Hay fever pills might work...
(cre) Sleeter: At least she'll be able to controll her sneezing..
(cre) Drakkos: But you are likely to need something a bit stronger.
(cre) goldenthread suggests ketamine again
(cre) Sleeter: Horse tranquilizers?
(cre) Drakkos: The Rocky Horror Picture Show has some great songs for you to
     sing along to to get a woman horny.
(cre) Sasquatch: you could always read up on hypnosis?
(cre) Drakkos is just a sweet transvestite.
(cre) Dasquian: Like, 'Sweet Transvestite'!
(cre) goldenthread will make you a man.
(cre) Drakkos: Why don't you... stay for the night?
(cre) Drakkos: Or maybe... a bite?
You cre-tell: GT, that's such a generous offer.
(cre) Sasquatch: out of towels GT?
(cre) Drakkos: I could show you my favourite obsession...
(cre) Chibi: I will have to work on my "sexy voice"
(cre) goldenthread: (night )
(cre) Drakkos: You see, I've been making a man... with blonde hair and a tan...
     and he's good for relieving my tension...
(cre) goldenthread mistimes the backing vocals.
(cre) Drakkos: By singing that song, you are saying 'Not only am I a man who
     likes women, I am a man who likes men'
(cre) Drakkos: And all women love bisexual men.
(cre) Sleeter: Don't fill his head too much, he might forget the Bears advice!
(cre) Drakkos: So, if that doesn't work maybe you could have sex with one of
     your male friends while they watch.
(cre) Drakkos: (And blame it on bears)
You cre-tell: "Honey, the bears told me what a cute ass my ex-friend had."
(cre) goldenthread: "Honey, the sweet transvestite horny bears stole the viagra
     and quoted Nietzche at me"
(cre) Dasquian: Here's another trick you can do... ask them if they need a ride
     to the big party, and make out that there is some huge party everyone is
     going to later. Then suggest you go early, and when you get there it is
     really your BEDROOM
(cre) Chibi: When about do we see the breasts in this film, then?
(cre) Sasquatch: or even better, have sex, whilst they watch and play chess
(cre) Sleeter: (valid lesson, everything is the bears fault!)
(cre) Drakkos: Mmm... those bears are giving me a stiffy.
(cre) goldenthread . o 0 ( thank god it's not just me )
(cre) Drakkos: Do you write poetry Chibi? You could write a poem for one...
     supposedly while you were just sitting there, but you actually made it up
     in advance. You will appear very sensitive and they will love you.
(cre) Drakkos: What are the names of these girls, anyway?
(cre) Drakkos: Dammit man, give us something to work with.
You cre-tell: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm still a virgin, so can I
              fuck you?"
(cre) Dasquian: The trick is to leave empty slots for their names, eye colour,
     etc
(cre) Drakkos unzips for Vashti.
(cre) Dasquian: ANd fill it in at the last minute
(cre) Sasquatch unzips for Vashti
(cre) Chibi: Emma and Claire
(cre) Drakkos: Ah, perfect.
(cre) goldenthread: There was a young lady named Claire
(cre) goldenthread: Who had an astounding pair
You cre-tell: Who once got it on with a bear.
(cre) goldenthread: she hid them away
(cre) Drakkos: 'Oh Claire... you have nice hair... and since you're over there,
     LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU, A BEAR!'
(cre) Chibi: She has nice Hair
(cre) goldenthread: til i came her way
(cre) goldenthread: blaming it all on the bear.
(cre) Dasquian: Oh <insert name here>, how I gaze into your <insert eye colour
     here> eyes, and wish I could make them mine. How I wish I could run my
     fingers through your <insert description of hair/shiny pate here>. Please,
     be mine.
(cre) goldenthread: thankyou.. i'm here all week.
(cre) Dasquian: PS Fancy a quickie
(cre) Drakkos: 'Claire and Emma, my heart beats for thee... how I'd like to
     have you both up a tree, keeping you safe from the transvestite bear, and
     spraying my manjuice all over your hair'
(cre) goldenthread: There was a young lady named Emma
(cre) goldenthread: Who gave me quite a dilemma
(cre) Dasquian: TURTLE BLANKET
(cre) goldenthread: should i take her now?
(cre) goldenthread: Or leave with a bow?
(cre) goldenthread: something something enema.
You cre-tell: Or tremor.
You cre-tell: Or Trevor, I suppose.
(cre) Dasquian: Or 'lemma', it could be a mathematical rhyme
(cre) Sasquatch: or shall I just give her an enema?
(cre) Dasquian: Is she a mathematician?
(cre) goldenthread is.
(cre) goldenthread unzips for Dasquian.
You cre-tell: So, Chibi, do these girls have email?
You cre-tell: Or ICQ?
(cre) Dasquian: I still think this mud needs Shadowing Lemmas to stalk and eat
     Fingertip.
(cre) Chibi: No :P
(cre) Chibi: Way :P
(cre) Una: :(
(cre) Drakkos: 'My name is Chibi, and I like to play chess. Over my bishop my
     fingers carress. I hold on so tight, because I will not let go, until my
     bishop is poised, and ready to blow'
(cre) Dasquian: Remember Chibi, no means yes.
(cre) Chibi is thinkful his IRL friend has a) left cre and b) left DW
     completely =P
(cre) Drakkos: Was it something we said?
(cre) Sasquatch: I had a friend once
(cre) Dasquian: If they say they hate you, that's a good sign. It means you
     stirred up passion in their heart.
(cre) Sleeter: You could be really clever and do a Haiku... they'll love both
     your thoughtfullness and your intellegence!
(cre) Sleeter: Look, there a big BEAR!/Coming to spray man juices/like winters
     rain. Or somthing...
(cre) Drakkos: Hate and love are just two sides of the same coin.
(cre) Chibi: Except Clurucan seems to know one of them somehow :'(
(cre) Drakkos: You could write your haikus in semen.
(cre) Drakkos: Really?
(cre) Drakkos: Clurucan?
You cre-tell: In the snow
(cre) Drakkos: Do you have an email for us?
(cre) Chibi: Oh, she doesn't check that addy anymore, thank god :p
(cre) Drakkos: Wow, they play here?
(cre) Drakkos: Chibi, you should have said!
(cre) Dasquian: Dear Emma and Claire / I want to do one of you / Please decide
     which one
(cre) Chibi: One of them used to! :/
You cre-tell: Did they have talkers?
(cre) goldenthread: that's aiming low.. Chibi should go for both.
(cre) Dasquian: Dear Emma and Claire / How's about a threesome then / SOmething
     about Spring
(cre) Sasquatch: show off about your coding skills to them, baffle them with
     tech talk
(cre) Drakkos: Emma and my claire / Semen in your hair from me / While you were
     sleeping
(cre) Sasquatch: write a poem, see if you can find something to rhyme with
     "debugger"
(cre) Chibi: She did; surely you remember me whining about my woeful
     experiences with her a while back?
You cre-tell: Chugger.
(cre) goldenthread: bugger.
You cre-tell: Too similar.
(cre) goldenthread: glugger
(cre) Sasquatch: which whine was this
(cre) goldenthread: plug her.
(cre) Dasquian: Oh no, now Chugabolt has entered my mental images of the
     Chibi/Claire/Emma menage a trois
(cre) Sleeter: Emma and Clair, I have the key to the car, if you want to go
     home ever, you'll take turns on my man meat.
(cre) Dasquian: :(
(cre) Drakkos: I didn't mean to / My bishop went off you see / A bear whacked
     me off
(cre) Dasquian: Hmm... Sleeter has an exciting new approach!
(cre) goldenthread: aah.. trusty blackmail.
(cre) Sleeter trail blazes.
(cre) Chibi: Their parents are driving (alas, I failed my driving test
     twice:P).
(cre) Drakkos: You could steal their parents keys.
You cre-tell: So you could have their parents too!
(cre) Drakkos: Then you could have sex with all of them.
(cre) Dasquian: Here's another cool game, it's called 'what colour panties is
     Emma wearing?', it's bound to get everyone frisky!
(cre) Sasquatch: there once was a bear who played chess, he liked to play
     against Rudolf Hess
(cre) goldenthread: spin the bottle!
(cre) Drakkos: Emma, Claire, and me / And your parents too, you see / Feel hot
     Chibi love
(cre) goldenthread: insist on watching a film.. put a porn film in another
     box.. pretend the video rental place gave you the wrong film!
(cre) Chibi: "You receive a new email message from Member Services" Hrm =P
(cre) Sasquatch: your member needs a service?
You cre-tell: "I thought it was Titanic, but it turned out to be Bear Buggering
              Exploits 69 :("
You cre-tell: "Shall I take it back?"
(cre) Sleeter: That's what this is all about Sas :)
(cre) Dasquian: Pumping hot man juice / On a torrid summer's day / All over
     your face
(cre) Chibi: Apparently so, with savings of "up to 75% on Insurance"
(cre) Drakkos: 'My manmeat is swolen, it hurts me to sit, because I'm
     imagining, rubbing your wet clit, so please don't reject me, please don't
     say no, you can bugger off emma, your mom is good to go'
(cre) Sasquatch: it's insured?
(cre) Sleeter secretly notes down Dasquians Haiku...
(cre) Drakkos: You could play truth or dare too.
(cre) Chibi: Our truth of dare game sucks :P
(cre) Drakkos: You need to play it properly.
You cre-tell: "aa! rydw i'n dod dros holl wyneb Emma!" might impress them with
              your skill in forn.
(cre) Chibi: The worst dare consisted of her putting a toy sword in her mouth
(cre) Drakkos: Like: 'Dare... suck me off until I come on your mother's face'
(cre) goldenthread: this is were you see if it -really- sucks.
(cre) goldenthread leers
(cre) Chibi: (Boy, that was sexy though ;p)
(cre) Dasquian: Er, what the fuck kind of repressed shit is that?
(cre) goldenthread: get someone else to dare her to fuck you senseless or
     something.
(cre) Dasquian: Jesus man, lose the toy sword, get out Mr Chipolata
(cre) Drakkos: You need to be subtle about it.
(cre) goldenthread: Mr... Chipolata?
(cre) Dasquian: Hide him in a hot dog bun or something
(cre) Drakkos: You need to dare them to wear a blindfold. Then dare them to
     take something in their mouth (make it a banana)
(cre) Drakkos: Then dare them to take something in their mouth again.
(cre) Drakkos: Unzip.
(cre) Drakkos: Thud.
(cre) Sleeter makes notes: Drakkos, you genious!
(cre) Drakkos: And when they gag, you say 'Oh no, a bear pulled out my penis
     and stuck it in your mouth'
(cre) Chibi: What if they bite? :P
(cre) Dasquian: Those darn bears!
(cre) goldenthread: even better
(cre) Drakkos: Mmmmm.
(cre) Drakkos squirms.
You cre-tell: Put a surgical speculum in their mouth first.
(cre) Sasquatch: I read that as a surgican spleen
(cre) Sasquatch: surgical*
(cre) Chibi wouldn't know the difference.
(cre) Drakkos: Oh, you'd know the difference between a speculum and your penis
     I'm sure.
(cre) goldenthread: a speculum is an ice lolly stick.
You cre-tell: You wouldn't know the difference between your own chipolata and
              your spleen?
(cre) Dasquian: Play a game of porno password... like Jim Carrey did in The
     Cable Guy
(cre) Dasquian: Caaaabbblleeee GUUUuuuUUUyyyy
(cre) Sasquatch: porno password... what's this? Hack Drakkos's account?
You cre-tell: A speculum is actually a metal thing that sadistic nurses use for
              opening women up wider than nature ever intended.
(cre) goldenthread: oh.
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah, I need one of those whenever I have sex.
(cre) Drakkos flexes.
(cre) goldenthread stares into space.
(cre) Dasquian: The porno pathword is... PEeeNITH
(cre) Drakkos: (Either that, or ether)
(cre) Sasquatch: this speaking from experience Vashti?
You cre-tell: They're cold and they bloody well hurt. :(
(cre) Drakkos: Oo
(cre) Drakkos: Ooo...
(cre) Drakkos: CHibi, you shoudl take some Ether with you.
(cre) Chibi: Can;t you do it yourself?
(cre) Sleeter: *squelch*
(cre) Sleeter: *creek*
You cre-tell: It's a bit difficult to give oneself a cervical smear, Chibi.
              Want me to demonstrate on you?
(cre) Chibi: Ether is a magic point restoring potion from the FF series.
(cre) Sasquatch: that's diethyl ether, comes in a bottle (Drakkosm hush)
(cre) Chibi: I don't need it because I use "osmose" materia
(cre) Sasquatch: m = ,
(cre) goldenthread peers at Chibi
(cre) Drakkos: You could give me a cervical smear.
(cre) goldenthread: and herein may lie the problem.
(cre) Drakkos: It sounds... moist.
You cre-tell: Right, get me my scalpel.
(cre) Drakkos: And comforting.
(cre) Dasquian: OK Chibi, another hint
(cre) Drakkos: Don't talk about FF>
(cre) Dasquian: Girls don't 'dig' Final Fantasy, in general
You cre-tell: Unless they are Becky.
(cre) goldenthread shudders.
(cre) Sleeter: Don't give him bad advice Dasquian!!!
(cre) Chibi: Claire (does), Emma doesnt!
(cre) Sleeter: Gods, you're so mean.
(cre) Drakkos: Generally just stay away from RPGs entirely.
(cre) Sasquatch: and all other big guns
(cre) Dasquian: OK, good, but they probably don't want to talk about it... I
     doubt they find the osmose materia a turnon ;p
(cre) Drakkos: There's little on this planet more of a turn-off than knowing
     how many d4+1 a ninth level mage can do with magic missile.
(cre) Drakkos has been there, done that.
(cre) Vashti shivers wetly.
(cre) Dasquian: I mean, fuck knows why not, I get all hot and sweaty thinking
     about that dirty, dirty little gem
(cre) goldenthread unzips for Drakkos.
(cre) Dasquian: But they don't, so it's better not to broach the subject!
(cre) Drakkos: You could talk about makeup.
(cre) Drakkos: Or boys.
(cre) Drakkos: Or boys in makeup.
(cre) Chibi: I don't think they use it
(cre) Dasquian: Girls love ponies though
(cre) Drakkos: Then have sex with one of your male friends.
(cre) Dasquian: Talk about ponies
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah, ponies in makeup.
(cre) Sasquatch: back to David Bowie again
You cre-tell: Then have sex with some ponies to demonstrate.
(cre) Dasquian: They like washing up too, you can ask about their favourite
     brands of washing up liquid
(cre) Drakkos: Ask them if they've ever seen that film Equus(sp?)
(cre) Sleeter: Like, "You know, a little make up would make you look waaaaay
     better" It'll show you're paying attention, and care about how they look
     :)
(cre) Drakkos: The one where the guy has sex with his horse.
(cre) Dasquian: rofl, equus
(cre) Dasquian: My parents watched that with my grandad once
(cre) Dasquian: He was old and senile, and asleep
(cre) Drakkos: Then drop in a little personaly thing about yourself.
(cre) Dasquian: And he woke up in the middle of the sex scene.
(cre) Drakkos: Like, 'I like horses. I like the movie equus.'
(cre) Sasquatch: bet nobody ever tried that with Mr Edd
(cre) Drakkos: 'I touched myself lots last time I watched it'
You cre-tell: "Hi, I'm Chibi, and this is my bear"
(cre) Dasquian: He was livid, he didn't really like it :)
(cre) Drakkos: They will be glad that you're willing to share.
You cre-tell: "He lives in my trousers, because it's warm there."
You cre-tell: "Don't worry about all that hair, it's nothing to beware"
(cre) Drakkos: When it's time to sleep... wait until everyone is really quiet.
(cre) Drakkos: Then ask in a loud, proud voice: 'Does anyone mind if I
     masturbate?'
(cre) Drakkos: Now, it sounds like a stupid plan.
(cre) Drakkos: But it's not.
(cre) Drakkos: Because they will be secretly trying to watch you.
(cre) Dasquian: You could ask Emma or Claire if you could borrow their
     handkerchief, it is bound to get the juices flowing, if you know what I
     mean!
(cre) Drakkos: And that's always a turn on.
(cre) Chibi: True
(cre) Chibi: True
(cre) Chibi: I was asked about that last time we went camping in sleeping bags
     on the beach
(cre) Dasquian: If they don't have a handkerchief, go for an item of clothing,
     like a bra.
(cre) Chibi: (Except I was between two guys)
(cre) Dasquian: ...
You cre-tell: ...
(cre) Drakkos: Oh, tell that story.
(cre) goldenthread: ...
(cre) Sasquatch: ...
(cre) Drakkos: Circle jerking is guaraunteed to get them all wet.
(cre) Drakkos: Make stuff up if you have to.
(cre) Dasquian: Literally!
(cre) Kola: How about ... dont tell it ... :P
(cre) Sasquatch jerks Drakkos's circle
(cre) goldenthread: play sticky biscuit!
(cre) Dasquian: "Sorry, was that your coat?"
(cre) Drakkos: Like 'I was lying there quiet, and then my friend slid his hand
     up my thigh. He said 'Do you ever... you know?', and as I felt myself
     harden I knew what he had in mind...'
(cre) Drakkos: They will be hanging on your every word.
(cre) Dasquian: What happened next??
You cre-tell: "I felt something hard entering me, but then I realised that the
              BEARS HAD EMERGED FROM THE WOOD"
(cre) Chibi: While you're probably on the subject, what does "neck" mean?
(cre) Drakkos: It means 'That which connects your head to your shoulders'
You cre-tell: It means biting someone hard on the neck.
(cre) Sasquatch: it's what your head is attached to
(cre) Dasquian: Is that like a codeword Vashti? Paddington Bear has arrived at
     King's Cross, etc?
(cre) goldenthread: i thought it was nuzzling and kissing around the neck.
You cre-tell: Yes. If you don't know what it means instinctively, you don't
              need to know.
(cre) Sasquatch knows
(cre) Sleeter: I thought it was when you break chickens necks?
You cre-tell: "teddy bear's picnic" is another good one.
(cre) Chibi: Thanks. Never heard it till recent
(cre) Dasquian: Hehe, picnic
(cre) Drakkos: 'His fingers spiderwalked up my leg... my penis felt stiff with
     anticipation... and I felt my own hand sliding to his engorged manhood as
     his fingers tightened around me'
(cre) goldenthread worries he doesn't know.
(cre) Drakkos: 'Then the bears came and mauled us'm
(cre) goldenthread sags
You cre-tell: "with pickanick baskets"
(cre) goldenthread: that's an anticlimax :(
(cre) Chibi: "When you go out in the woods tonight, beware of a big surprise"?
(cre) Drakkos: But you see... you can skillfully weave a story about mutual
     masturbating that will definitely get both of the girls hot and bothered.
(cre) Drakkos: Althouigh I confess, it will probably mostly be bothered.
(cre) Dasquian: Ask them if they have ever had a 'slippery lolly', and when
     they finally admit their lewd acts, claim you just meant a lollypop that
     was all wet and slippery.
(cre) Sasquatch: and GT too
(cre) Dasquian: THat gives you the upper hand!
You cre-tell: Just throw in the words "engorged, swollen manhood" a few times
              and they'll be yours.
(cre) Drakkos: Speaking about the upper hand...
(cre) Chibi: (MMmm, breasts on 2 again)
(cre) Dasquian: AFK
(cre) Drakkos: Seriously tho', women love that erotic fiction stuff. Why do you
     think they stick it in pornographical magazines? It's not for the guys.
(cre) Chibi: I thought you said keep clear of RP?
(cre) Drakkos: Role playing games as in wizards and witches. :-P
(cre) Drakkos: Erotic fiction is definitely in.
You cre-tell: "in".
(cre) Drakkos: IN
(cre) Chibi: Ah. Aeris and Tifa were h0tties :p
(cre) Drakkos: Try to stick with all male fiction to start with.
(cre) Drakkos: You don't want to turn them off with lesbian stuff until you
     know they're into it.
(cre) Dasquian: Chibi, you need to buy her a telescope
(cre) Dasquian: Like in what's on BBC2 atm!
You cre-tell: An extending telescope.
(cre) Chibi: Should it be blue?
(cre) Dasquian: It's working for David Bowie, he is definitely getting some
You cre-tell: Pink.
(cre) Drakkos: That may be the nazi thing tho'...
You cre-tell: With glitter spots.
You cre-tell: And Barbie go-faster stripes.
(cre) Drakkos: I have never tried the nazi thing myself, but I will go with
     Vashti's advice on it.
(cre) Sleeter mutters: Man, Nazis get all the action.
(cre) Drakkos: Maybe you could work some nazi themes into your all male
     fiction.
(cre) Drakkos: Like 'We lay huddled up in the swastika flag, our thigh-high
     leather boots glistening with sweat...'
(cre) Dasquian: Stop Drakkos, that was our special night :(
(cre) Dasquian: Oh
(cre) Dasquian: Oh... I see, hehe ;p
(cre) Dasquian: Yeah, carry on
(cre) Drakkos: 'As we thumbed through our copy of Mein Kamph, I felt his hand
     slide up my flagpole and I was ready to heil Hitler, and not with my
     hand'
You cre-tell: I read Mein Kampf.
You cre-tell: There were no sex scenes at all. :(
You cre-tell: You'd think Hitler could have found something more interesting to
              write about in jail.
(cre) Drakkos: ''Schnell, Schnell' I said, as his fingers tightened. Are you
     ready for more, so soon after that magical evening in the Mescherschmitt
     over London?'
(cre) Etain: evening all
(cre) Drakkos: ''Jahwol', he said. My manluger is loaded and ready to fire,
     Herr Commandant'
(cre) Chibi invite Drakkos to a stand-up comedy show.10m
(cre) Drakkos: (And so on)
(cre) Drakkos stares at Chibi.
(cre) Drakkos: This is damn good advice you know... you're lucky to be getting
     it.
(cre) Etain: i don't think 'comedy' is quite the genre he was aiming for..
(cre) Dasquian: We're like your bigger brothers and sisters.
(cre) Sasquatch: most places charge through the nose for this quality of
     advice
(cre) Chibi: Where can I subscribe to the "Ask Drakkos" column?
(cre) Dasquian: Giving great advice for life
(cre) Sleeter: Don't stop Drakkos, even if Chibi doesn't want it I do!
(cre) Drakkos: And if you don't get the advice, you won't be 'getting it' at
     all.
(cre) Drakkos: Well, Gruper and I once had our own advice panel.
(cre) Sasquatch remembers it
(cre) Drakkos: There was the Lord Love Panel, and then Gruper and Drakkos'
     Panel. I wasn't a lord at the time, so I couldn't contribute to the Love
     Panel.
(cre) Sasquatch: and you're still not a Lord now
(cre) Drakkos: Sure I am.
(cre) Drakkos refuses to acknowledge the (D).
(cre) Danbala: (D) for lor(D).
(cre) Drakkos: But yeah, we gave advice to anyone who needed it on matters
     romantic.
(cre) Sasquatch: rakkos?
(cre) Drakkos: Just like we're all doing now for you Chibi.
(cre) Drakkos: And even if it sounds a little strange, or maybe even comical,
     it's all genuinely serious advice.
(cre) Drakkos: (Or most of it, at least)
(cre) Dasquian: Especially the bit about the bears
(cre) Drakkos nods.
(cre) Chibi: I endeavor to one day return the favour!!
(cre) Sleeter: such as the bears are for real.
(cre) Sasquatch: and guarenteed to get Chibi laid'
(cre) Dasquian: For the love of god, don't talk about RPGs though.
You cre-tell: Or MtG.
(cre) Sasquatch: or MtG
(cre) Drakkos: No RPGs, no MtG... just Nazi Mansex.
(cre) Chibi: Why not MTG?
(cre) Etain: bears? i obviously missed quite a lot of teh advice
(cre) Etain: :/
(cre) goldenthread: ...
(cre) Dasquian: I mean really man... you're just going to make yourself look
     worse. I mean, pretty soon everyone's going to feel sorry for you. I do!
You cre-tell: Especially don't tell them you spent several hours discussing
              them and their potential knicker action with a bunch of strangers
              on the Internet.
(cre) Dasquian: (Come of fhqwhgads)
(cre) Sasquatch: do you play hess Etain?
(cre) goldenthread: acutally.. if you need to ask why not M:TG, you're probably
     not ready for them.
(cre) Sasquatch: or Chess?
(cre) Etain: hess? nope. chess occasionally
(cre) Chibi: I spent many a good weeks in the library playing it, and eyeing up
     the girls as they passed in the corridors
(cre) Sasquatch: Hess.... back to Nazi leaders again
(cre) Drakkos: Hrm. I'm not sure I agree with that Vashti. It would show them
     that he is interested in them even when they're notright in front of him.
(cre) Dasquian: Here's a clue Chibi... they didn't come over to swap rares with
     you, they don't want 'in' to your pants :)
(cre) Sleeter: Exactly Chibi, without M:TG you could have been gettting laid!
(cre) Sasquatch: this is obviously Tomas's problem too
You cre-tell: Hm, I think Drakkos is right.
(cre) goldenthread: Chibi, as Etain missed the advice, why not try your new
     found skills out on her? See if you can get her to put out.
(cre) Dasquian: Really... really really, don't bring up RPGs or MTG ;p
You cre-tell: It's actually quite flattering to be discussed on the net in a
              sexual context.
(cre) Etain: lawks
(cre) Chibi: I thought the word was, "in"?
(cre) Drakkos: I mean, it's one thing to want a woman when she's right in front
     of you. It's another to lust after them when they're not even there. The
     latter is much more flattering.
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah, seriously. No RPGs or M:TG. :-P
(cre) Drakkos: Like, seriously serious.
(cre) Dasquian: I mean, the bears man, that's good stuff... but the RPG's.
     That's just the basics dude.
(cre) Drakkos nods.
(cre) Drakkos: Chess is okay tho'.
(cre) Drakkos: Chess is still a winner.
(cre) Sleeter: For the love of whichever you want more, don't bring up RPGs,
     even if they do first, it could be a test!
You cre-tell: And Nietzsche.
(cre) Drakkos: Chess and Nietzsche.
(cre) Drakkos: (And Nazi Mansex)
(cre) Etain: chess is good for picking up teh chicks?
(cre) Sasquatch: unless, of course, it's a rocket powered grenade, then you can
     talk about your BigGun
You cre-tell: Work on pronouncing pre-Raphaelites as well, and fit them in.
(cre) Drakkos: Yep. Chess is a babe-magnet.
(cre) Etain: well. i AM learning
(cre) Sasquatch: those RPGs are ok
(cre) Dasquian: Remember, "Real-life wizards don't ever get to cast their magic
     missile"
(cre) Drakkos: As I have already said: Every woman I have ever slept with has
     been a chess fan.
(cre) Etain: how many is that then?
(cre) Drakkos: No comment.
(cre) Drakkos: I don't want you all to think I'm a slut.
(cre) Sasquatch performs En Passent on Etain
(cre) Etain: cos if its just 1 or 2 thats not very significant
(cre) Sasquatch never could spell that
(cre) Dasquian: Bah, STATISTICS HAVE NO PLACE HERE, Etain ;p
(cre) Etain: a larger number would be a more representitive sample
(cre) Drakkos: Well, it's a slightly higher number than that.
(cre) Drakkos: (Like... 2.5)
(cre) goldenthread castles with Sasquatch
(cre) Etain cowers from teh WRATH of dasqueen
(cre) Dasquian: Wrathsquian!
(cre) Sleeter: Etain, stop clouding the subject with numbers! This is solid
     advice!
(cre) Chibi: Do you know: I read recently that 2/3 (or possibly only 1/3) of
     this-generation teenagers have "done it" by the age of 16!
(cre) Sasquatch takes Goldenthread's bishop
(cre) Drakkos nods.
(cre) Sleeter: *gasps* and you're how old Chibi?
(cre) Dasquian: OK... more sage advice follows: do not give them the slightest
     hint that you only want them to be ahead of the national statistics ;p
(cre) Drakkos: Some of them have probably even done it with one of us.
(cre) goldenthread admires Sasquatch's pawn.
(cre) Sasquatch: I have quite a pawn collection here
(cre) Drakkos: That's good advice Dasquian, but it can be inverted to good
     use.
(cre) Dasquian: Hmm, tell us how Drakkos!
(cre) Drakkos: 'You don't want to fall behind the national statsitics now, do
     you?'
(cre) Dasquian: Ooh... cunning. Cunning.
(cre) Drakkos: See, that puts the pressure on them.
(cre) Sasquatch: well, flatter them with statistics, tell them they're above
     average
(cre) Dasquian takes notes from the master.
You cre-tell: "Everyone else has done it!"
(cre) Drakkos: Of course, that can backfire.
(cre) Sasquatch: the average human has slightly less than 2 arms, eyes and
     legs
(cre) Drakkos: 'I'm already way ahead of the national statistics'
(cre) goldenthread: that's no good Vashti.. they don't want to be like everyone
     else. They want to be different.
(cre) Drakkos: 'I've already done it with everyone in this tent, *and* the
     bears... but I still won't do it with you'
(cre) Dasquian: Boy, would you have egg on your face then.
(cre) Drakkos: Egg, and nothing else. :-((((
(cre) Sasquatch: pssst, that's not egg
You cre-tell: No hot hot manjuice, then? Aww. :(
(cre) Chibi doesn't get it.
(cre) Drakkos: Yes, we know...
(cre) Drakkos: But if you follow our advice...
(cre) Drakkos: You will.
(cre) Dasquian: You could put an ad in the classifieds - "horny 16 year old
     male wants experienced mistress to show him some tricks"
(cre) Sasquatch: well, follow the advice, and you'll get it
(cre) goldenthread: you can probably forget most of the advice.. there's just
     one thing to remember..
(cre) Chibi: Does everyone know that the "Creaotr FAQ" page doesn't work?
(cre) goldenthread: no. rpg. or. mtg.
(cre) Drakkos: No, you can't forget most of the advice!
(cre) goldenthread: if you need reminding, read one of Tomas's posts.
(cre) Drakkos: WTF are you on??
(cre) goldenthread: i'm just highlighing the biggie.
(cre) Sleeter: Don't forget the advice, for gods sake!
(cre) Drakkos: BTW, are you writing this down Chibi?
You cre-tell: Or the bears. The bears are your escape car. They are chatup
              gold.
(cre) Archana: hey drakkos, I have a player request that you be fixed
(cre) Chibi: No, I don't log :'(
(cre) Drakkos: ...
(cre) Dasquian: Drakkos already got fixed
(cre) Dasquian: Man, was the vet annoyed aboput that one.
(cre) Drakkos: So write it down with a pen. This is relationship gold.
(cre) Drakkos nods sadly.
(cre) Sasquatch puts the two bricks down
(cre) Archana: really? will tell them then
(cre) Sasquatch: you don't log?
(cre) Sasquatch: is this because you're scared of 100 year old Nazis popping
     out of the U-bend?
(cre) Chibi: I can remember to take some interesting historical/political
     knowledge with me, and I think the beer/bear combination will follow
(cre) Drakkos: Dude...
(cre) Drakkos: That's only part of it.
(cre) Drakkos: See how much you've forgotten already?
(cre) Drakkos: Where is your nazi mansex? Seriously, that will work.
(cre) Dasquian: Say you are going to right a gay nazi porn anthology
(cre) Dasquian: Make sure you use the word anthology
You cre-tell: "Have you heard the good news about our Führer" is always a good
              line to try.
(cre) Sasquatch: none of them are Jewish are they?
(cre) Drakkos: But phrase it: 'I am going to give birth to a homoerotic
     national socialist erotica anthology'
(cre) Sleeter shudders at the tought of Hitler in his bath pissing...
     *shudders*
(cre) Chibi: Naw, non-religious
(cre) goldenthread: if they are, the conversation will -really- hot up.
(cre) Dasquian: Ask them if they have any ideas for your 5th story, claim you
     are looking for the female perspective.
(cre) goldenthread: ( which can only be good )
(cre) Drakkos: Wear a beret.
You cre-tell: "squamous" is also a good word if you can get it in there.
(cre) Drakkos: (If you don't believe the mansex thing, try logging on to any
     internet phone server and see how many people are indulging in dirty talk
     for recreational purposes)
You cre-tell: "squamous oozing manflesh".
(cre) Chibi: I've already looked up about 6 words tonight =p
(cre) Etain: see, you're learning ! this place is so educational
(cre) Sleeter: Good, research is good...
(cre) Sasquatch: where would you be without us?
(cre) Drakkos: Yep, research will get them on side.
(cre) Chibi: In bed?
(cre) Drakkos: With Emma and Claire?
(cre) Sleeter: Don't forget to look for convincing Bear related stories.
(cre) Drakkos: No!
(cre) Sasquatch: ahh, but alone
(cre) Etain: yes, but alone leetle chibi
(cre) Dasquian: Another idea, this is a wacky one off the top of my head so I
     can't guarantee its useability!
(cre) Drakkos: You'd be in bed alone.
(cre) Sasquatch: with us, in bed, not alone
(cre) Drakkos: Whereas with us, you'll go to bed with two gurlies.
(cre) Sasquatch: (at once)
(cre) Chibi: What about
(cre) Dasquian: Think of the thing you do that your MALE friends would most
     likely rip the piss out of you for for being horrendously gay. Then, say
     how much you like it to Emma and Claire!
(cre) Chibi: Competition from peers?
(cre) Chibi: ...
(cre) goldenthread: actually Das.. that's gold.
(cre) goldenthread writes that one down.
(cre) Sasquatch: sod that, post it to frog, fluff, all guild boards, the sun,
     the star, the daily sport...
(cre) Dasquian: No really... your friends think it's gay... girls will dig your
     contact with your feminine side.
(cre) Drakkos nods.
(cre) Drakkos: Ask if you can wear their underwear too.
(cre) Drakkos: Maybe. That one is quite risky.
(cre) Drakkos: Some women will really get off on it.
(cre) Drakkos: Other women, will just rip their underwear off of you and lick
     you all over.
(cre) Drakkos: See the danger?
(cre) Chibi: I am already ripped for acting gay though; perhaps if I tried
     something cool?
(cre) Dasquian: Like, say you like thinking about rubbing your erect genitalia
     against Ricky Martin's bare backside... they will be all over you.
(cre) goldenthread: no! keep with the gay thing. it works.
(cre) Dasquian: Nonono, you play Magic and like RPGS. Don't try cool.
You cre-tell: It does.
(cre) goldenthread: women feel safe with gay men.. right up until you spray
     manjuice in their face.
(cre) Drakkos: Seriously, the gay thing is catnip.
You cre-tell: Nothing is more erotic and pleasing to the female soul than the
              thought of two hot men getting it on like a flock of leaping
              gazelles.
(cre) Drakkos: How many times have you heard 'All the good ones are gay
     *sigh*'
(cre) Chibi: Perhaps less "gay", more "camp"?
(cre) Drakkos: Nono, more gay, less camp.
(cre) goldenthread: camp.. gay.. same thing :P
(cre) Drakkos: Camp just looks like you're cynically trying to score. :-P
(cre) Sasquatch: but he is? :P
(cre) Dasquian: And if you do it too well, they give up and move on anyway ;p
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah...
(cre) Chibi: What I mean is, I am more camp, less gay/
(cre) Drakkos: But you don't want it advertised.
(cre) Drakkos: Well, be more gay and less camp.
(cre) Dasquian: You know how chicks really fancy men and then - SHIT, they're
     gay!
(cre) Drakkos: Don't say 'Hello duckies, don't we all look pretty today', say
     'I'd love to fuck Rikki Martin and no mistake'.
(cre) goldenthread: in fact, try it with a guy before getting with Emma and
     Claire. They'll appreciate your flexibility and your openness to
     experiment.
(cre) Sleeter: Infact, proposition their dad first! That's a sure fire hit!
(cre) Drakkos: And they'll go 'Hey, we'd love to do that too... we have so much
     in common... let's sit around and braid each other's hair'
(cre) Sasquatch: or crimp it
(cre) Dasquian: Well, this is their lucky day... all the upsides of being a
     homosexual, and the fanny magnetism that comes with it... and then
     they'lkl think themselves lucky when you want to play hide the sausage
     with them!
You cre-tell: "Please put your mantool up my greased behind."
(cre) Drakkos: Now, here's the killer line Chibi.
(cre) Drakkos: Write this one down:
(cre) goldenthread unzips for Vashti.
(cre) Sasquatch unzips for Vashti
You cre-tell: Wow, what a choice.
(cre) Sasquatch: bah, too slow again :P
(cre) Chibi: I'll add it to my desktop Notepad =p
(cre) Drakkos: 'You know... I've been very confused recently. I don't know...
     maybe it's just you... but I've been feeling... oh... I don't know. But
     seeing you... I've been very... very... confused about my sexuality...'
(cre) Drakkos: And then:
(cre) Dasquian: ROFL, yes!
(cre) Dasquian: Classic, classic gold. It can't fail.
You cre-tell: "I want to know what it's like with a woman"
(cre) goldenthread: YES!
(cre) Etain: every girl wants to CHANGE her gay friends!!
(cre) Drakkos: 'Maybe... I've been making a mistake... I'd like to know what it
     is I'm missing... maybe... you and I...?'
(cre) Dasquian: "I've never... felt this way about... a girl before"
(cre) Drakkos: Oh yes, go with Dasquian!
(cre) Drakkos: I mean, his advice,.
(cre) Dasquian: Not literally, please
(cre) Drakkos: Actually, go with him too.
(cre) Dasquian: Hehe chibi, I still have your drunk quote in my finger info :)
(cre) Sleeter: *unzips*
(cre) Chibi does.
(cre) Chibi: Yea, and I don't remember saying it for the life of me :P
(cre) Sleeter goes with dasquian.
(cre) Chibi: What was the edit?
(cre) Dasquian: shit
(cre) Dasquian: Also, you can prep it by saying that you have mostly female
     friends, even though you are gay.
(cre) Dasquian: This will reassure them that you understand women.
(cre) Sleeter: Would the direct aproach work?
(cre) goldenthread: always have a list of female names to reel off as friends.
(cre) Sasquatch: tell them you want to be one, you understand them that well
(cre) Drakkos: And compliment them on girly things... like their shoes, their
     clothes, their hair.
(cre) Sleeter: "I want you and your friend nibbling on my hot man meat" ?
(cre) Drakkos: But in a sort of 'girlfriend' way.
You cre-tell: But make sure none of them know you all, so that Emma and Claire
              can't come back with "I know them. They hate you"
(cre) Dasquian: Tell them that you -are- gay... you are a lesbian trapped in a
     man's body.
(cre) Drakkos: 'Oh, I love what you've done with your hair... and those shoes
     really go well with that blouse'.
You cre-tell: "Can I borrow your makeup?"
(cre) Sasquatch: course you can Vashti
(cre) goldenthread: do you want my "nobody knows i'm a lesbian" t-shirt?
(cre) Sleeter: "I've been plucking and I think I need a sanitary towel too" ?
(cre) Dasquian: That is a great t-shirt, GT ;p
(cre) Sasquatch: they sell them in Afflecks GT :)
You cre-tell: But for the life of you, don't try "I've been plucking my crotch
              and now it is full of OOZING GREEN ABSCESS PUS".
(cre) goldenthread: bastards! I had to get mine shipped in from Oz.
(cre) Drakkos: ...
(cre) goldenthread: that might work with the right girl, Vashti.
(cre) Sasquatch: they got loads, in male and female t-shirts in Manchester
(cre) Drakkos: Okay, no RPG, MTG, or OOZING GREEN ABSCESS PUS
(cre) Dasquian: Tell them that you have a big party, and you want them to help
     you pick out the right outfit. Be shy about waht the party is and who it
     is with, but drop heavy hints that it is a big gay man's party.
(cre) goldenthread: suggest the sailor hat.. or the leather biker hat.
(cre) Sasquatch: or the flowery dress
(cre) Dasquian: Nono, nothing camp... just be very concerned about which is the
     right shirt to go with the right pants, and which belt you should wear.
(cre) Drakkos: And shoes. The shoes are key.
(cre) goldenthread: i wish i'd had you guys around when i was younger *sniffs*
You cre-tell: Shoes are critical.
(cre) Drakkos: Women will always look at a guy's shoes to see how good a catch
     he is.
(cre) goldenthread: make sure you can dance too.. gay guys always dance well.
(cre) Chibi: (She) knows I fancy this girl, and I intend to phone her up when
     Im drunk and peer pressure gets the better of me and ask her out -
     slightly off subject, but whats a good way of asking someone out on a
     phone?
You cre-tell: Wave your arms in the air.
(cre) Dasquian: This is all about getting their trust, and getting past their
     sleaze detector, by masquerading as a closetted but sadly obvious
     homosexual. Little do they know!
(cre) Drakkos: ...
(cre) Sleeter: Or, to really sell the gay part, make sure you're walking funny,
     then when they ask why say it was from the 5 guys you had last night!
(cre) goldenthread: don't ask them out on the phone.
(cre) Etain: hello. will you go out with me? works sometimes
(cre) Drakkos: She knows you fancy girls? Well, there goes your 100%
     guaraunteed shot at sex.
(cre) Sasquatch unzips for Etain
(cre) Dasquian: Hell man, just go gay. You'd love it.
(cre) goldenthread: you want to look into their eyes when you ask.. see if you
     can see the fear building.
(cre) Dasquian: Actually, get a boyfriend. You don't have to sleep with him or
     anything. You just need a gay relationship to be interested in this girl
     from.
(cre) Drakkos nods at Dasquian.
(cre) goldenthread: then you could talk about M:TG and RPG.
(cre) Drakkos: Seriously, being gay will be the best thing to happen to your
     chick pulling abilities.
(cre) goldenthread: actually, scrub that.
You cre-tell: You could advertise for one on frog, and then go for the pity
              vote again. "My internet boyfriend just isn't fulfilling me.. I
              need.. the touch of a real woman!".
You cre-tell: Don't follow it up with "and not towels", either, that'd kill
              it.
(cre) Chibi: That's a good idea. Loads of people get relationships from the
     Internet
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah, I did.
You cre-tell: Me too.
(cre) Drakkos: . o O ("GRAR, RAR, GRARARAR")
(cre) goldenthread: Yep.
(cre) Dasquian: Or say that you are concerned about your feelings for <insert
     male friend here>, you can have an indepth discussion about your sexuality
     at ease, and they will take their guards down.
(cre) Chibi: Like Ceres (idlising Ceres till I read someone elses profile)
(cre) Drakkos: . o O ("GRARAAAAAAAAAARARARARARARRRRRARAR")
(cre) Dasquian: But jeez, it's quite obvious you're more into men... I think
     you'd be happier if you just admitted it to yourself.
(cre) Etain: you want ceres to be your internet boyfriend?
(cre) Drakkos: Ahem. But that's a bitter wound to open on another day. Today,
     we're being positive about your homosexuality!
(cre) Chibi: Oh yes.
(cre) Dasquian: Good... good :)
(cre) Dasquian: OK, you are proud, this is a good start.
(cre) Chibi: "Oh... Yes..."
(cre) Dasquian: THere is nothing to be ashamed of about your sexuality,
     tomorrow I suggest you tell your close male friends. If they are truely
     your friends, they will not have a problem with it.
(cre) Dasquian: Hey, you might even get to feel them up a bit in a manly hug.
(cre) Chibi: What I *meant* before was, competition from a peer means that I
     will be sitting there and having the piss taken out of me while he chats
     to the girls
(cre) Dasquian: Ooh, a male peer?
(cre) Drakkos: So you put his head in his lap.
(cre) Dasquian: This is excellent
(cre) Drakkos: Let's see how witty and urbane he is then.
(cre) goldenthread: if you're gay, they'll want to talk to you more as you bond
     with them.
(cre) Dasquian: Is he good-looking?
(cre) goldenthread: ( and braid their hair )
(cre) Chibi: Not really
(cre) Drakkos: There are only about five guys on the face of the planet who can
     have a ready retort for that.
(cre) Sleeter: You guys, make sure Chibi understands, No M:TG, No RPGs, and to
     get in touch with his gay side. Failing all that remembering the Bears.
(cre) Drakkos: BEARS
(cre) Sleeter waves.
(cre) Dasquian: Has he got a nice personality? You could point out his good
     features to the girls, he will be flummoxed.
(cre) Chibi: No. He's just incredibly full of himself, and even though they
     recognise this..
(cre) Drakkos: Then just smile pleasantly when he talks and make gentle,
     non-threatening conversation with the girls.
(cre) Dasquian: Just say... you know, he takes the piss out of me all the time,
     but I don't understand why I have this... desire to be around him, and let
     him bully me. I just feel happier in his company
(cre) Drakkos: Or...
(cre) Dasquian: "Maybe it's because of the way he smiles... it always makes me
     happy"
(cre) Drakkos: 'I know why he takes the piss out of me all the time. I just
     wish he'd admit it to himself... he'd be much happier, just like I was'
(cre) goldenthread: don't view him as competition.. view him as a compliment to
     yourself.
(cre) goldenthread: the yin to your yang.
(cre) goldenthread: the dragon to your phoenix.
(cre) Drakkos: The ebony to your ivory
(cre) goldenthread: the viagra to your bear.
(cre) Drakkos: The heaving buttocks to your rigid manmeat
(cre) Dasquian: The greased butt to your pork sword
(cre) Dasquian: Damn you Drakkos.
(cre) Dasquian shakes his fist.
(cre) Drakkos cuddles Dasquian. Shhhh now sweetie.
(cre) Danbala goes off to bed now.
(cre) Chibi: Hey
(cre) Drakkos: Now, watch and learn... see how all the women go wild for
     Dasquian and myself...
(cre) Drakkos slips his arms around Dasquian's waist and nuzzles his neck.
(cre) Sasquatch: indeed, Danbala has had to go to bed because of it
(cre) Dasquian: Seriously though... play them off against each other, there is
     a total of 8 standard orifices available for your plugging pleasure there,
     you're bound to get at least one of them if you play your cards right.
(cre) goldenthread unzips for Drakkos.
(cre) Chibi: You know you get like, 13 year old girls who bounce around and
     exclaim at stuff and talk crap half the time? I'm kinda like that a lot;
     should that change?
(cre) Sasquatch: but NOT MtG cards
You cre-tell: Or failing cards, just get out the sunflower oil and cucumber.
(cre) Drakkos: Yeah.
(cre) Drakkos: If you want to get laid, don't behave like a 13 year old girl.
     :-P
(cre) Sasquatch: Hagi is a 13yr old girl?
(cre) Drakkos: (UNless you're in an Alabama trailer park)
(cre) Chibi: Laff
(cre) Sasquatch: or wearing a school uniform
(cre) Drakkos: You want to behave like a mysterious, esoteric 25 year old. Take
     up smoking. And homosexuality. And Nietzsche.
(cre) Drakkos: Mmmm.
(cre) Drakkos: School uniform.
(cre) goldenthread: can you get some opium?
You cre-tell: And get a beret.
(cre) Drakkos: And speak like zis.
(cre) Dasquian: Actually, don't talk to them at all... make out that you find
     discussion with the adults more stimulating.
(cre) Drakkos: Hehe
(cre) Dasquian: And hey, one of them might like younger men.
(cre) Drakkos: 'No, I will not listen to zis childish chatter. I am at a
     creetical part of Thus Spake Zarathustra'
(cre) Etain: theres a lot to be said for teh Younger Man
(cre) Chibi: OK :P Late night RP about gay Nazis and a flagpole, slightly more
     intimate dare games, no bouncing around or MTG, and pretending to fancy
     the guy when he starts on me.
(cre) Drakkos nods.
(cre) Dasquian: Er... good
You cre-tell: And bears.
(cre) Drakkos: And bears.
(cre) Chibi: And bears.
(cre) goldenthread: bears!
(cre) Dasquian: But you may want to whittle it down to a specific strategy
(cre) Chibi: Over 4 days?
(cre) Drakkos: Or, try a little of all of them.
(cre) Dasquian: Like in Magic... lots of good cards are great, but if they
     don't gel... your deck will suck.
(cre) Drakkos: Then choose the one that works best and concentrate.
(cre) Drakkos: Dasquian...
(cre) Drakkos: CRIMINAL
(cre) Chibi: That's like, 5 nights of constant company. Eugh =P
(cre) Drakkos unslips his arms from Dasquian's waist.
(cre) Dasquian: I am talking in his language Drakkos, bear with me
(cre) Dasquian: Hehe, did you like my bear pun?
(cre) Drakkos turns his back on Dasquian.
(cre) Dasquian: Say something like... "I'm going off for a walk, to admire the
     countryside for a bit. Ah, the countryside, I love the great outdoors. The
     beauty of nature, the flow of life. Rolling hills and leafy forests, I
     love to just stare at the landscape and think how lucky I am"
(cre) Dasquian: You are going toi the countryside, right?
(cre) Drakkos: Say 'I am going out... to watch ze sun rise'.
(cre) Chibi: New Forest, some holiday camp
(cre) Drakkos: And then walk out.
(cre) goldenthread: if not, talk of the urban spread and how glorious man's
     achievements are.
(cre) Drakkos: Even if you have to wait about six hours.
(cre) Drakkos: Oh, that might work BTW... asking one of them to watch the
     sunrise with you.
(cre) Drakkos: But you'd be much better with the Nazi Mansex.
(cre) Dasquian: Yeah, nazi mansex. gets the girls going, sends the opposition
     running.
(cre) Drakkos: (P.S. Sunrises are as boring as fuck, but chicks seems to dig
     them)
(cre) Chibi: The trees and other tents would probably get in the way :p
(cre) Sasquatch: could combine the two
(cre) Drakkos: That's why you go somewhere quiet and secluded.
(cre) Drakkos: And hold hands.
(cre) goldenthread: stupid trees :P
(cre) Chibi: Haha
(cre) Chibi: -> Aha
(cre) Sasquatch: just hands?
(cre) Drakkos: And say 'Ah, the way the sun burns its amber light onto the
     clouds is very reminiscent of the pre-Raphealite coal bunkers of Norther
     Siberia'
You cre-tell: "Which Nietzsche wrote about."
(cre) Drakkos: 'Jesus, look over there... a transvestite bear!'
(cre) Dasquian: In the daytime, when everyone is bored and it looks like the
     only thing to do is chat up the girls, don't. Pick up a nietzche (or
     however the fucker spells his name) book, and say "I'm going off to read
     for a few hours, see you later" and smile and leave.
(cre) Sasquatch: they'll be swooning at your immense knowledge of things
(cre) Drakkos: Failing Nietzsche, you could always take some Sartre. Or
     Wittgenstein.
(cre) Dasquian: Or the kama sutra
(cre) goldenthread: you could also wait for the male peer to bore them
     senseless ( about 6 hours ) and then stride in.
(cre) Drakkos: Or 'How I Won The War: 50 Years Of Gay Nazis'
(cre) Chibi: But 2/6 of my friends will do that anyway (except with New
     Scientist achives). I need to be unique :p
(cre) Drakkos: Do you have a guitar?
(cre) Chibi: No
(cre) Sasquatch: oh, follow this advice, you'll certainly be unique
(cre) Chibi: The Male Peer does
(cre) Drakkos: A recorder?
You cre-tell: Can you do cross stitch?
(cre) Etain: well thats where the nazi mansex comes in. they won't have thought
     of that!
(cre) Dasquian: Oh... OOH OH I have a great idea!
(cre) Dasquian: When they are all talking, sit about 10 feet away, and start
     drawing one of the girls' portrait
(cre) Chibi: And plays it, posing - although he can play about 3 three chord
     riffs he picked up in magasines
(cre) Sasquatch: in semen
You cre-tell: Stare intently at them and squint a bit, so that it's obvious
              what you're doing.
(cre) goldenthread swoons as Dasquian.
(cre) Dasquian: Quietly and inconspicuously, and only tell them what you are
     doing when they ask.
(cre) Chibi: That's a very good diea, Das
(cre) Dasquian: Nono, they'll figure it out because you are staring at them.
You cre-tell: Ooh!
(cre) Dasquian: Then say something like, you have a fascinating face
You cre-tell: With such intricate bone structure.
(cre) Dasquian: And ask them to hold the pose! remember, you must finish the
     picture for this to work.
(cre) Dasquian: Make sure you do not draw a funny moustache on, this will ruin
     the ploy.
You cre-tell: Of course, this line won't work if one of them is built like a
              cow. You might want to avoid such words as "delicate" in that
              case, too.
(cre) Drakkos: And use the word 'Raphaelite'
(cre) Chibi: But. Where does the bear come in?
(cre) Drakkos: (He liked painting big woman)
(cre) Sasquatch: then, take it outside to get a proper view in good light, then
     run back in crying, because the bears stole it
(cre) Sasquatch: then, you'll get given so much hugs and sympathy....
(cre) Chibi: (Mmm, pussy shots on 2)
(cre) Drakkos: No
(cre) Drakkos: No pussy shots.
(cre) Drakkos: Not until the third date.
(cre) Dasquian: Draw her FACE you FUCKING PERVERT
(cre) Dasquian: Jesus
(cre) Chibi giggles.
(cre) Sasquatch: I have a suspicion Chibi is more interested in the tv than our
     advice :(
(cre) Drakkos: Phbt.
(cre) Chibi: It's stopped now =p
(cre) Drakkos: Perhaps we should all just log off and have sex.
(cre) Drakkos: Since obviously our advice isn't worth it.
(cre) Etain: ooh the man who fell to earh
(cre) Sasquatch: go ahead, make a fool of yourself, ignore us, but don't say we
     didn't try to help
You cre-tell: While thinking of the bears.
(cre) Etain: (earth)
(cre) Drakkos: JESUS CHRIST THE BEARS
(cre) Etain: david bowie.. *stares into space*
(cre) Dasquian: Brrr
(cre) Drakkos: THEY'RE COMING RIGHT FOR US!
(cre) Dasquian: I just rememebred the other meaning for 'bear'
(cre) Dasquian: It means a BIG HAIRY GAY MAN
You cre-tell: Perfect!
(cre) Drakkos: Roffle
(cre) Chibi: But.. 5 hours of sleep left. Thanks for chatting ^_^ (My MTG deck
     sucks, anyway)
(cre) Drakkos: NO MTG
(cre) Drakkos: NO RPG
You cre-tell: At all.
(cre) Drakkos: NO PUSSY SHOTS
(cre) Dasquian: Llanowar Elves == NO SUCKY SUCKY
(cre) Drakkos: Don't even take your deck with you.
(cre) Dasquian: You will be tapping for green mana into the early hours of the
     night if you talk about magic.
(cre) Chibi: I don;t play green?
(cre) Dasquian: Or should that be WHITE MANA heheheheehe
(cre) Chibi: I play white, and sometimes red?
(cre) Drakkos: NO MTG!!
(cre) Sasquatch: totally flush your mind of all MtG things
You cre-tell: Red? What the hell do you do to it, you pervert?
(cre) Drakkos: This lesson is being lost on you!
(cre) Dasquian: Aha I was right! And you want to see a doctor about that red
     mana.
(cre) Chibi: I think I heard a door open. Love you, see you in a week! :P
(cre) Dasquian: NO MTG
(cre) Dasquian: BE GAY
(cre) Dasquian: REMEMBER THE BEARS
(cre) Dasquian: GOOD LUCK COMRADE
You cre-tell: Psst, Das, that was communists.
(cre) Dasquian: oh... same thing
(cre) goldenthread: nazi man sex!
(cre) Sasquatch: and remember to thank us all when you get back